dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
