she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
