Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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