You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Actions speak louder than pants.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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