I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize