Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
