How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
