i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
How external is "for external use only"?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
