all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
