He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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