Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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