she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
