i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
