gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
