I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
