There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
