physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Duck Duck Cougar?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize