I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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