Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
