So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
