Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
