my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
