Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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