I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
