peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
