I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
