woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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