As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
