when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
