I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm both gender and math confused
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize