The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Fuck appropriateness.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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