last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
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