Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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