you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
