I wish I could teleport
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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