The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize