2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
