He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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