If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
