Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
