Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
