Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
We have started to decorate penises.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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