hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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