Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
