His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
