I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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