I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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