Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
