quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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