I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
