well you can't waste a boner
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize