My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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