I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize