Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
