but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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