The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
