you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
