my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize