I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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