I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
