I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
