i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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